Tea, Coffee, and Gunpowder

"Ideas quick-march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages. Memories charge in, bright flags on high; the cavalry of metaphor deploys with a magnificent gallop; the artillery of logic rushes up with clattering wagons and cartridges; on imagination's orders, sharpshooters sight and fire; forms and shapes and characters rear up; the paper is spread with ink - for the nightly labor begins and ends with torrents of this black water, as a battle opens and concludes with black powder." -Honore de Balzac The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee

Tea or Taxed Enough Already Parties sprang up in this country in response to an overwhelming mistrust of the government and a desire to return to what made us great. Concerned Americans of all political backgrounds and ethnicities assembled to make their voices heard. They did so under a historical canopy, emulating the actions of the colonists who tossed a shipment of tea into Boston harbor. These men were sending a message too: no more tyranny. Never was the tea party about the actual drink. The tea party was a symbol and continues to be a symbol for the Americans who desire an end to government abuse of power and oppressive taxation.

After months of disrespectful and ignorant reporting from the liberal media and countless uses of a pornographic term to describe the people who attended the Tea Parties, the left decided to have their own party. Because, well, if someone has something they don't, they get their hipster knickers in a bunch. And in true liberal fashion, their 'party' is spiteful, condescending, and speaks volumes to their ignorance of history. The liberal antithesis of the Taxed Enough Already Parties: 'Coffee Parties.'

See what they've done there? The left-leaning brain theorized: "Tea parties?... tea is a drink... what other drink is like tea, but isn't tea? Oh yes, coffee!" I don't see this as the only reason. In the liberal psyche, there's an unconscious belief that coffee is intellectually superior to every other drink because of its culture. Coffee is a delicacy only befit the kings of screenplay writing at Starbucks. It is the drink that brought us the coffeehouse attitudes of the late 50s and 60s, though I have to add, coffee was rarely the actual drink of choice at those houses. 'Progressives' and 'visionaries' used coffee as a ruse to act foolish in black pencil pants and turtleneck sweaters. Any culture that requires applause be the snapping of one's fingers after a horrid torrent of drug-addled poetry is about as low as you can go on the creative scale. Even still, liberals see coffee as a symbolic gateway to the upper crust of thought. They gather around it like haughty cavemen in tweed coats, alienating everyone who has opinions that slightly differ from their own. Sure, coffee is a beverage of enlightenment, but they use coffee only as a means to an end, not as an end in itself.

This 'Coffee Party' movement and all the coffee-house progressives of times past has sullied the manna-like divinity of the drink. And to what end? What point have they made? They've only managed to behave like bratty children, screaming for something another child has. They covet the strength of the Tea Parties, the influence and power of ordinary, hard-working Americans banding together to make a difference. That 'banding together' is something a liberal mind can't comprehend. Even when they're in a 'party' setting, they're alone. They isolate themselves, hiding behind huge superiority complexes. They dwell in their own minds, where its safe and everyone agrees with them. People like that could never organize anything that shared any solid belief because their own beliefs are ever-shifting and far superior to the beliefs of their peers.

I'm not intimidated by this 'Coffee Party' movement because of the fact that liberals are incapable of true organization. In defense, they may argue they organized to elect this 'eloquent' and 'intellectual' president, but they really didn't. They serendipitously had the same hair-brained idea all at once and naturally, pretentious people are attracted to other pretentious people if only to potentially engage in a 'winner takes all' superiority battle. Essentially, this movement is watered down and stale. It has all the validity of a day-old pot of joe made with expired pre-ground Folgers. There's no need for it and to recognize it, one would have to toss aside good sense and taste. All I know is, there's a holiness to coffee that cannot be destroyed by politics. Coffee is a gift; a source of energy, creativity, and spark. If the left thinks they can usurp those traits for their own purposes, they'll have a devil of a time. Coffee, like freedom and gunpowder, is volatile and best handled by those who respect it.